


Comfort in your arms

by HopeSilverheart



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Adoption, Alec Lightwood Deserves Nice Things, Alec Lightwood Needs A Hug, Emily the Cat - Freeform, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Family Fluff, Fluff, Kid Fic, M/M, Magnus Bane Loves Alec Lightwood, Married Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Protective Adrian Milagro, Rafael Lightwood-Bane Needs a Hug, Shadowhunters need to learn emotions, Stuffed Toys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-12
Updated: 2020-07-12
Packaged: 2021-03-05 02:53:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25227109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HopeSilverheart/pseuds/HopeSilverheart
Summary: Ever since he had been old enough to walk, Alec Lightwood had been told that shadowhunters didn’t need comfort. They didn’t need gifts, didn’t need toys, didn’t need to be read stories at night; they didn’t need anything.And yet, even at 7 years old, Alec couldn’t help but yearn for something a little softer than the weapons his parents gave him every year. He couldn’t help but dream of being cradled to sleep, his mother’s fingers carding through his hair. He knew it would never happen, but he still let himself hope. He went to bed every night with his pillow locked in his arms, trying to pretend as though it were someone else holding him close.Or: Someone teaches Alec what comfort means, and he gets to teach his son about it in return.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Rafael Lightwood-Bane, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 30
Kudos: 302
Collections: Fluff vs. Angst Battle 2020





	Comfort in your arms

**Author's Note:**

  * For [MoonlightBreeze](https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoonlightBreeze/gifts).



Ever since he had been old enough to walk, Alec Lightwood had been told that shadowhunters didn’t need comfort. They didn’t need gifts, didn’t need toys, didn’t need to be read stories at night; they didn’t need _anything_.

And yet, even at 7 years old, Alec couldn’t help but yearn for something a little softer than the weapons his parents gave him every year. He couldn’t help but dream of being cradled to sleep, his mother’s fingers carding through his hair. He knew it would never happen, but he still let himself hope. He went to bed every night with his pillow locked in his arms, trying to pretend as though it were someone else holding him close.

Izzy’s birth had made things easier, since he had an excuse to go see his little sister and soothe her when she had had a nightmare. Their parents taught Isabelle everything they had taught Alec, but her big brother made sure that she knew exactly how loved she was. He sneaked stolen toys into her bedroom when their parents were looking the other way, and he cuddled close to her when they left them alone in the Institute.

Isabelle got all the comfort she could have ever wanted from Alec and, although she tried giving him some in return, it was never quite the same thing.

And then, Alec met Adrian Milagro. The man had stopped by the Institute to look after a shadowhunter who had gotten hurt during a patrol, and Alec ran into him as he made his way towards the library for his runes lesson with Hodge. He had woken up late after a night of bad dreams and had completely forgotten about his classes for the day, and now he was going to be even later because of the tall man with tan skin, warm eyes, and curly hair in front of him.

“Woah there, little shadowhunter,” the man said. It struck Alec as odd, because the only people who called him ‘shadowhunter’ were the Seelies who came to the Institute three times a year. Shadowhunters didn’t use their race as a way to talk to each other, which meant…

“Are you a downworlder?” Alec asked, wide eyes blinking up at the man innocently. He hadn’t met a lot of downworlders, but he had to admit he had always been curious about them. His parents didn’t like them, but Alec had read some amazing stories hidden in forgotten books at the back of the library, and he had wanted to talk to more downworlders ever since he had uncovered them.

“I am indeed,” the man chuckled, crouching down so his eyes could meet Alec’s easily. “My name is Adrian Milagro, and I’m the High Warlock of Lima. I was on vacation here, and your people needed some help, so I came to heal one of your friends.”

“Not my friends,” Alec grumbled, though he perked up at the mention of Lima. “You’re from Peru? We have family in Peru! Does that mean you know my family?”

“Oh, you’re a _Lightwood_ , are you?” Adrian said softly, his tone cautious and slightly surprised – not that Alec caught it, at the time. “You must be Alexander; I’ve heard all about you from your cousins, although I have to admit they never told me you were so inquisitive.”

“It’s Alec,” the young shadowhunter corrected seriously. He didn’t let anyone call him by his full name, and certainly not strangers. “And I’m not inquisitive; I just like learning new things. If you’re a High Warlock, you must have a lot of magic, right? My mom never lets me met new people, but I read that every warlock’s magic is different, and I bet yours is very pretty.”

“Not inquisitive, he says,” Adrian murmured. Alec frowned confusedly, not sure what the man was trying to say. “Don’t worry about it, young Alec, you’ll understand when you’re a little older. And yes, I suppose I do have a fair amount of magic, although not half as much as your local High Warlock. And thank you, although I’m not sure how you reached that conclusion.”

“Well, you’re pretty,” Alec said, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world. “So you must have pretty magic.”

“Right,” Adrian laughed quietly. “I suppose that might make sense to you, but I assure you some of the prettiest have the darkest, most awful magic you will ever see. Sometimes, appearances are deceiving, and sometimes, you have to trust your instincts rather than your eyes.”

“So you’re saying… You’re saying having pretty eyes doesn’t mean you have pretty magic?” Alec summarised proudly, glad to have learned something new that day. Although speaking about learning… “Oh no! I’m late to class! Hodge is going to be so mad at me and I’m going to be grounded again and- I need to leave, Mr. Adrian, but I hope I get to see you again so you can tell me more about magic!”

And then Alec was gone, zooming around the corner and hoping he didn’t get into too much trouble with Hodge because of the delay in their schedule. Surely, if Alec told him about the magical man he had just met, his tutor would understand why Alec hadn’t been able to ignore him. Some people needed to be listened to; Isabelle, for example, and Adrian Milagro, certainly.

In all of his life, he had never met anyone as entrancing as the warlock, and he couldn’t help but hope he would see him again.

And see him again he did. Adrian showed up again six months later, looking regal and composed and just as Alec remembered him. He had been called in to take care of some shadowhunters again, and Alec was starting to wonder why his parents couldn’t just call their local High Warlock. After all, Adrian had said the man – Magnus Bane, he thought – was even more powerful than him, so why not ask for _his_ help?

He didn’t let himself think about it for too long, because Adrian was walking towards him with a soft smile, and Alec suddenly realised the warlock remembered him. Why would the man remember a little shadowhunter who had spent their entire conversation asking inappropriate questions? His parents always told him people didn’t like it when children were too curious, so why did Adrian look like he was _happy_ to see Alec?

“Mister Lightwood,” the warlock greeted him seriously, his dark eyes sparkling happily. “A pleasure to see you again. I can’t help but feel like our last discussion was cut short before we could get into the thick of things, and I was wondering if you had some free time right now.”

Alec did, indeed, have some free time, but his parents expected him to use that time to practise some more. He had promised them he would become as good with his blades as he was starting to be with his bow, and he didn’t want to disappoint them or earn yet another punishment. However, talking to Adrian sounded a lot more interesting than a training session alone and, as long as no one saw them…

“I don’t want my parents to know I was talking to you,” Alec said quietly, narrowing his eyes suspiciously at a shadowhunter who passed by them. “I’m not supposed to talk to guests, and definitely not downworlders.”

“Ah, well, I can arrange that,” Adrian answered seriously, snapping his fingers and making a bubble appear around them. “No one will be able to see us for as long as this bubble remains whole, alright? And I’ll make sure to send you back to whatever you were meant to be doing in less than twenty minutes, so no one realises you’re gone. Does that work for you?”

Alec bit down on his bottom lip. He knew he should say no, knew he should leave and go back to what all good shadowhunters did, but… But he had never been a good shadowhunter. He didn’t enjoy talking about war, and he was more interested in the paperwork than the fighting, except when he was with Isabelle. He hadn’t learned how to master seraph blades yet. He didn’t even have his first rune.

(And more than anything, he craved comfort. And good shadowhunters didn’t crave comfort, no matter how tempting it was.)

So, although a good shadowhunter would have turned Adrian down, Alec couldn’t find it in his hear to care. He wanted to learn more about warlocks, and who better to ask than a magical man himself?

“Mister Adrian, why do my parents always call you when they need help, instead of going to the High Warlock of Brooklyn?” Alec asked in lieu of a proper answer. He knew it wasn’t very polite but, if they only had twenty minutes, he needed to make the most of them. “You told me he was very good at magic, so why not go to him when we have problems?”

“Ah,” Adrian grimaced. Alec cocked his head to the side; adults only ever looked like that when there was a story behind their answer that they didn’t want to explain. “Magnus and your parents don’t get along at all, and they know I’m the best person to contact if they want things to be kept away from their High Warlock. See, Magnus isn’t allowed to come to Peru, so he refuses to talk to me.”

“Oh, okay,” Alec frowned. He supposed that made sense. “So what colour is your magic?”

“Right, I forgot about all the questions,” Adrian laughed. It was a nice laugh, tingly and magical and just as pretty as the man it came from. “My magic is red, little Alec, although it changes when I’m feeling particularly angry or happy, or if I’m healing someone, for example. In that case, it tends to be more of an orange hue.”

“Hmm,” Alec wrinkled his nose. “I guess you were right about pretty people not always having pretty magic.”

Adrian huffed out a surprised laugh, and Alec clapped his hands over his mouth. He tended to say things before thinking and, although his parents had tried to teach him not to run his mouth, he hadn’t learned that lesson quite yet.

“Not a fan of red, I take it?”

“Um, no,” Alec replied sheepishly. “I prefer blue, actually. Like the sky, or maybe a little bit darker. And I like glitter, but I learned that magic doesn’t always sparkle, which I think is a shame.”

“Oh, Alec,” Adrian shook his head. “You’ll get along wonderfully with him when the two of you finally meet.”

“Him?”

“Now, I’m not going to spoil the surprise,” Adrian chuckled lowly. “One of the best things about meeting the most special people in your life is that you don’t know who they are when you first see them. I would hate to steal that from you, especially if the two of you hit it off as I’m sure you will, once you’re older. Now, I’m going to need to leave soon, but is there anything you would want me to conjure up for you?”

“Can… Can you conjure anything?” Alec asked, his voice tinted with awe. He had always known warlocks were powerful, but this was something else entirely. “Anything at all?”

“Absolutely, young shadowhunter,” Adrian smiled. “But choose carefully, because I won’t make the same offer twice and, if I’m right, your parents won’t be asking me to stop by anymore.”

“Oh,” Alec whispered, his heart deflating even as his mind worked at a hundred miles an hour. If he could only choose one thing, just one thing in the whole world to have and keep forever, it would have to be… “Can I get something soft? Something I can hold when I go to sleep?”

The question slipped out unbidden, but Alec found that he didn’t want to take it back. There was something about Adrian that made him think the man wouldn’t judge him for wanting a toy or a pillow or something a little less _grey_ than what he had been given all his life.

Indeed, Adrian’s entire face softened after Alec spoke, even as a hint of sadness entered his eyes. Alec felt bad for putting it there, but he had a feeling it wasn’t something he could fix, so he just stood in silence, locked inside their little bubble, as he waited for Adrian to answer his question.

“Of course I can get you something soft,” the warlock finally said, ruffling Alec’s hair before pulling his hands back, closing his eyes, and letting a few red sparks fly around his fingertips.

It was beautiful, and Alec might have to take back what he had said about Adrian’s magic not being pretty, because he had never seen anything quite as bright. The red was deep and dark, but it was also just a tiny bit pink, and Alec wondered why it was like that, when Adrian hadn’t mentioned anything about that colour.

Finally, the magic stopped, and in Adrian’s hands was a stuffed toy, about the size of Alec’s head. It wasn’t the most beautiful thing Alec had ever seen, but it was a scruffy ginger cat that looked like it would be very soft, and Alec loved it as soon as he laid eyes on it. Adrian held it out to him and, after a moment of hesitation, Alec tugged it into his arms and nuzzled at it with his nose, giggling when the tufts of fabric tickled at his cheeks.

“This is Emily,” Adrian explained. “I know she isn’t the prettiest cat plush in the world, but my adoptive mother gave her to me when I was a young warlock in need of guidance, and I’ve kept her ever since that day. See, I never got a lot of love before I met her, since my biological mother was too afraid of me to care for me, and Emily was the first present I ever got. She’s been with me through it all, and I think you’ll love her just as much as I did, if not more.”

“I’ll make sure she gets all the hugs she needs,” Alec nodded seriously, his eyes never leaving the stuffed animal in his arms. After years of hoping for something to hold, he was finally going to be able to fall asleep with something other than the old pillow his parents had given him once he had been old enough to get his own room. “I take care of Isabelle, and I’ll take care of Emily too. She’ll probably be a lot easier to please than my sister.”

“I’m sure she will be,” Adrian chuckled. “The only things Emily needs are kisses, cuddles, and a happy owner. If you can give her that, then you have nothing to be worried about. I know shadowhunters don’t have the easiest lives, Alec, but I hope she’ll bring you some of the joy I can tell is missing from your childhood.”

“Thank you,” Alec murmured, tears welling in his eyes as he realised that Adrian, a near stranger, had done more for him in two meetings than his parents had in his entire existence. He had read him so easily, and he had given him the one thing he had always craved. _Comfort_.

After all, as far as comfort went, Emily was definitely more than Alec could have ever dreamed of having.

And from that day on, he never let go of the scruffy and old ginger cat Adrian had given to him when he was just 7 years old and still trying to fit in with his peers who didn’t understand what comfort meant. And every time his family took him on a trip to Peru, Alec would sneak out of the Institute, bring Emily with him, and prove to the warlock that he couldn’t have chosen a better owner for his stuffed animal.

* * *

Alec had always wanted a child. Ever since he had been old enough to understand what family really meant and realise that his parents were far from the perfect example, he had dreamed of raising a child of his own and teaching them everything his parents had failed to do with him.

And now, that opportunity had finally arrived. Magnus and he hadn’t really talked about children before but, when a 5-year-old shadowhunter had been brought to their doorstep, looking like he had stepped right out of hell, they had exchanged one look and known they would take the child in.

It took a while to get a name out of him – Rafael – and why the shadowhunters of the Lima Institute had brought him here, of all places but, in the end, Alec should have known. As soon as Rafael mentioned the High Warlock of his city, Alec knew exactly what was going on here.

“Adrian sent you here, didn’t he?” He asked softly, smiling softly when Rafael perked up and nodded enthusiastically. “I should have known he would find a way to tell me he still cared about me, even though it’s been years since I last saw that bas- damn man. Tell me, Rafael, do you know _why_ Adrian sent you here?”

Alec had a good idea himself, but he didn’t want to assume, especially if Adrian had left instructions with the young boy. But Rafael only shook his head and shrugged, looking over at the Lima shadowhunters as though they were about to eat him alive. And really, Alec couldn’t blame him. The three men who had brought Rafael to them were large, hadn’t smiled at any of them once, and had all but _thrown_ the young shadowhunter at them.

“And what about you?” he asked as pleasantly as he could, tightening the hold he had on Magnus as he stared at the men. He didn’t want to lose his temper, he really didn’t, but people who didn’t take care of children properly were at the very top of his black list. “Do you know why he asked you to come here instead of taking Rafael to the local Institute as is habit?”

“That fucking warlock didn’t trust us,” the eldest of the group sneered in Magnus’ direction, as though _he_ was the one who had somehow insulted him. “Said we couldn’t be trusted with a child and told us that if we had any sense, we would take him to Alec Lightwood-Bane in New York City. So here we are. Now, do you want the kid or should we just take him back to where he truly belongs?”

“Oh, I think I know exactly where Rafael belongs,” Magnus hissed from Alec’s side, his eyes narrowing dangerously at the shadowhunters. “And that’s right here, with a family who will love him and care for him instead of teaching him to fear everything around him. Now, if you’ll excuse us, I think we have a child who needs our attention, so you three can piss of and go back to the hellhole you came from. I mean really, _Peru_.”

The shadowhunters didn’t need to be told twice, which only served to anger Alec further. They hadn’t even checked in with Rafael to make sure he was okay with staying here; hadn’t even glanced at the child. Alec knew the Lightwood branch over in Lima weren’t the kindest human beings, but he had forgotten how cruel his cousins could be when they were in a mood.

“Speaking of Peru,” Magnus said lightly, his eyes never leaving Rafael as the little shadowhunter curled in on himself and stared at them fearfully. “How on earth do you know Adrian?”

“He helped me out when I was a child,” Alec explained, smiling fondly at the memory. “Gave me something I needed when no one else saw how lonely I was. After that, I tried to visit him regularly, but the past few years have been insane and I have to admit I completely forgot about my promise to stop by whenever I had the time. He knows I like children, or at least suspected, and I’m one of the only shadowhunters he trusts, from what I was able to tell, so I’m not really surprised he handed one to me on a silver platter. I could never turn a child down, especially not one who’s obviously been broken by whatever happened in Lima.”

“Hmm,” Magnus frowned. “We’ll talk about this later. For now, I think someone needs to get to bed whilst we figure out how the adoption process works within your little Nephilim society. I have a feeling having me as his second father isn’t going to make things easier.”

“Oh please,” Alec rolled his eyes. “The Clave owes you quite a bit for everything you’ve done, and they know denying you a child would only bring _them_ down. I’m sure everything will be fine. But you’re right, Rafael should be getting to bed. _Que piensas, Rafael? Quieres dormir?_ ”

“ _Si, por favor_ ,” the small boy answered, blinking up at Alec with his expressive brown eyes. “ _Pero ¿qué tengo que hacer si los monstros vienen durante la noche?_ ”

Alec’s heart shattered into pieces at the boy’s words. He had no idea what had happened to him when he had still been with his parents, and he wasn’t sure _why_ he didn’t have parents anymore, but one thing was clear: Rafael needed comfort, and Alec was in a position to provide him with exactly that.

He gestured for the boy to follow him and ignored his curious-looking husband. Instead, he took Rafael towards their bedroom and straight into their closet, which was mostly full of Magnus’ clothes. But there, on the top shelf, was an item Alec had never forgotten, even once he had grown too old to sleep with her.

He stared at Emily for a few seconds, caressing her soft fur gently. He had taken good care of her, just as he had promised Adrian, and made sure to keep her clean – with a little help from Magnus, who had never asked him about the ginger cat they kept in their loft.

This time, though, it looked like Magnus was going to get the answer to all his unasked questions. After all, it was long past time for Alec to give the toy to someone who really needed her. He had other people to bring him comfort now, but Rafael didn’t. He would, soon enough, but no adult could give him the gentleness he would get from Emily, and Alec knew it, as much as it broke his heart.

Just as Adrian had done all those years ago, Alec got down onto his knees and hugged Emily close to his chest, ashamed to feel tears rise in his eyes. She had always been one of the few things that made him feel open and vulnerable, almost as much as Magnus did. She was just a stuffed animal, but she represented so much more. She was the first gift he had ever gotten, the first thing someone had given to him not because it was practical but because it was nice, and a token of a memory Alec would always cherish.

When he spoke again, still in Spanish, he made sure to keep his voice even and certain, not wanting Rafael to think him weak.

“This is Emily,” he said quietly, pointing at the cat in his hands and smiling when Rafael’s eyes widened in awe. “See, Emily isn’t just any cat or stuffed animal. Adrian – yes, Adrian Milagro, the warlock who sent you here – gave her to me when I was just a little bit older than you. He saw how much I craved comfort and someone to love, so he gave me Emily. He told me the story of how he got her, you see, and I think you should hear it too.”

Alec’s gaze flicked up to Magnus briefly, unsurprised to find sadness and understanding reflected in those golden eyes he loved so much. His husband knew what it was like to grow up as a shadowhunter, had asked him about his life pre-Magnus plenty of times, and the stories had never been pretty. In fact, outside of the time he had spent with Izzy – and Jace, later on – his few meetings with Adrian were some of the only happy memories of his childhood.

“Adrian was born to a mother who couldn’t love him,” Alec explained quietly, chuckling sadly when Rafael let out a shocked gasp. “I know, it’s hard to think of anyone who might dislike him, right? Thankfully, he found another mother soon after, who gave him Emily as a token of her love. She was his guardian cat, in a way. And from that day forth, Adrian cherished her with his entire soul. And when the time came to give Emily away, he decided to give her to _me_.”

Both Magnus and Rafael were leaning towards Alec, and the older shadowhunter almost laughed at their unconscious actions. He only managed to hold his amused smile back because of the seriousness on Rafael’s face. The little boy was looking at Alec like this story was of the utmost importance, and he didn’t want to ruin that moment for him.

“I didn’t get a lot of love growing up either,” Alec continued, his heart melting when Rafael stepped closer to him and pressed a hand to Alec’s arm. “I have a lot of people who care about me now, but back then I felt like it was me against the world. Or at least, me against every other shadowhunter. I did my best to comfort Isabelle and give her the love she deserved, but before Adrian, I never had someone like that for me. When he gave me Emily, it was his way of telling me that I deserved comfort too, and I’ve never gotten a better gift than this little cat right here.”

Rafael extended his arms towards Emily cautiously, glancing up at Alec as though asking him whether he had understood the story correctly. _Smart boy_ , Alec thought as he let go of Emily and let Rafael cradle her close to his chest. He smiled softly at the cat, and Alec knew he had done the right thing, no matter how strange it was to see Emily held by someone other than him.

“But do you think Rafael can handle such an important responsibility?” Magnus asked, smirking at Rafael when the shadowhunter puffed his chest up indignantly. “I mean, Emily clearly means a lot to quite a few people, and I would hate for her to not have all the love in the world.”

“I’ll give her all the love!” Rafael exclaimed, making both Magnus and Alec coo at him, their eyes shining with barely concealed adoration. They had only known the boy for an hour or so, and they were already smitten. God, if this was how they were going to feel every time they got a new child, Alec wondered if his heart would survive the overload of emotions.

“Besides, Adrian told me something very important back then,” Alec said, laughing when Rafael’s face turned serious again. “The only things Emily needs are kisses, cuddles, and a happy owner. I’m sure you can already give her the first two and, in no time, you’ll be able to give her the third as well. After all, I can assure you that Emily is the best joy-bringer in the world.”

“Right after me,” Magnus pouted, crouching down to peck Alec’s lips with a huff.

“Right after you,” Alec agreed, pressing his temple to Magnus’ forehead and gazing at Rafael warmly. “And maybe you too, Rafael. I have a feeling you’re going to bring us a _lot_ of joy.”

The little boy blushed, clearly unused to being complimented, and Alec promised himself – and Adrian – that he would give Rafael the kind of home Alec had always dreamed of having. He would cherish him and care for him and make sure he didn’t need Emily as much as Alec had.

And that night, as they put their new son to bed, Magnus and Alec watched on lovingly as he clung to Emily with all his might, clearly finding as much comfort in her as Alec had, once upon a time.

**Author's Note:**

> Heya guys! Thank you so much for reading! As always, this wasn't edited/beta'ed so forgive any and all mistakes! Em refused to admit that fluff was superior to angst, hence why I decided to present her with this fluffy little piece about comfort and stuffed toys <3 I hope you all enjoyed it!
> 
> Love, Junie. 
> 
> (find me on tumblr @hopesilverheart)
> 
> PS: Adrian Milagro is the only character that belongs to me, so please don't use him without asking ^^


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